I have to admit that when I tottered down to the cinema on a Friday evening to watch It Ends with Us, I was excited. Why? Because domestic abuse is very rarely discussed in the entertainment industry. The topic tangentially intersects with others, and in my humble opinion, is not discussed enough as a standalone subject. Just because abuse happens in the private sphere where the public can’t see, doesn’t make it any less violent and/or abusive.
It Ends with Us sits within the psychology of Lily Bloom (played by Blake Lively), a young woman who confronts the irrevocable scars inflicted by domestic abuse and breaks the generational cycle.
The Movie
I saw the violence, all of it. But what I did see was that the abuser in the movie (played by Justin Baldoni) made the audience want to relate to him. When Lily Bloom makes the decision to part ways with her abuser, he doesn’t put up a fight.
Where’s the stalking, the gaslighting and the narcissistic traits that abusers normally have? Where’s the statistic of women going back to their abusers seven times on average before they leave for good? Where are the warning signs?
It Ends with Us could have addressed the harsh realities of domestic abuse. Instead, it humanises the abuser, making it look like an abuser was fully capable of feeling remorse. The truth is, abusers very often do not have a conscience. When abusers get out of prison, they seek out the woman who spoke out and put them there in the first place. The movie could have been used as an opportunity to warn women of the harsh realities of domestic abuse, but it failed to do so.
I was also slightly concerned at how domestic abuse was romanticised in this movie. Yes, domestic abuse happens within the confines of a relationship when we discuss this in the context of inter-partner violence. The reality is, that the abuse has much to do with the abuser and very little to do with the victim. The risk that It Ends with Us runs is that it teaches women that you can find yourself in an abusive relationship randomly without there being red flags. There are ALWAYS red flags.
This disempowers women and that it doesn’t give womens’ intuition a voice. The truth is that women are powerful and they have their own instincts to be able to weed out abusers from the rest. The movie arguably could have given Lily Bloom more of a discerning voice, but it failed to do so.
It Ends with Us could have used as a platform to raise awareness on female empowerment, which was disappointing.
The Publicity
I was quite disgusted at how this movie was publicised by Blake Lively.
Blake Lively donned flowery dresses inspired by Lily Blooms’ profession as a florist for the press tour and various red-carpet events. She also debuted her haircare line the Sunday before It Ends with Us’ theatrical debut. Her gourmet soda and alcohol brands, Betty Buzz and Betty Booze, hosted a “Betty Blooms” event sporting cocktails inspired by the film. It Ends with Us’ partnership with the NO MORE Foundation, a non-profit organisation “dedicated to ending domestic and sexual violence” referenced giveaway bags and advised readers to “Grab your girlfriends, dress in your florals, and head to the movie theaters this weekend to see this beautiful movie.”
Blake Lively also used the press tour as an opportunity to cross-promote with Deadpool & Wolverine, the Marvel Studios blockbuster starring Blake Lively’s husband, Ryan Reynolds, that released two weeks before It Ends with Us. I’m sorry but what is the similarity between a superhero comedy and a drama about domestic violence?
The lack of empathy demonstrated by Blake Lively regarding a very sensitive subject for victims of domestic abuse shows me that she didn’t understand the gravitas and the importance of the topic of domestic violence. She could have used her press tour as an opportunity to articulate the dangers of domestic abuse on society as a whole, but she was silent on this front.
What we should learn from this
Domestic violence isn’t a joke. It’s a very harsh reality that many women have to live with every single day of their lives, thinking that there is no way out. The lack of substance on the topic of domestic abuse was slightly concerning in It Ends with Us, although covering it in any more detail may have required a re-write of the original book, who knows. The publicity around this however, was even more alarming.
I would like to see more movies on domestic abuse. I want more visibility to be given to a serious topic. Script-writers, directors, producers and actors in the industry have the opportunity to cover this, because whilst the entertainment industry serves as a great tool for people to disconnect from their realities it can also serve as an educational tool.
I want those in the entertainment industry to be more responsible, and appreciate that their words and actions can not only trigger those survivors of domestic abuse but also romanticizes the idea of an abusive relationship, therefore normalizing such behavior.
